Thursday, January 09, 2003

I don't know how it is for people who have achieved some form of holiness. But for myself, I find that almost every urge and impulse to do or not do something is wrong. If I find I don't want to pray for someone or something, 9 times out of 10, upon reflection I realize that I need to pray for that person or that thing. (The tenth, alas, comes all to often in the Prayers of the Faithful at Mass: far, far too many of the ones I rebel at on first glance remain troubling after reflection.) If I find myself really wanting to do something, wanting in a state of near lust or gluttony, it usually turns out to have been the very worst thing I could have done at that moment. Likewise, when I have an urge to avoid something. (How often has a minor sniffle been turned into a potential dispensation from the Mass?)

If, like me, holiness is something to which you aspire but which you cannot claim even partially to have achieved, then, be like me, and do the opposite of whatever urges you are trying to talk yourself into following. After all, it hasn't worked for me.


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