Friday, May 31, 2002

Italian bishops vote to adjust Lord's Prayer

(from wire services and miswired services)

The Italian bishops agree God does not lead people into temptation, and they voted almost unanimously to make that clear in their biblical version of the Lord's Prayer.

A phone call to Jesus requesting comment went unreturned, but later a publicist for the so-called Second Member of the Trinity released a statement. "The whole situation is terribly embarassing," the statement read. "Mistakes were clearly made."

A Group calling itself "Sound of the Faithful" began calling on the Church to dump scripture in favor of "new ideas." "Keep the Faith--Change the Original Words of Jesus!" is their motto.

Meanwhile, a number of Church reformers are calling for further revisions. Protesters outside the Vatican held signs reading "Our 'Father'? WWJT?" and chanted "Ho Ho! Hey Hey! We need a Pope a little more gay!" When asked about the signs, a woman who would only identify herself as a "52 year old practicing lesbian and devout Catholic" explained that "WWJT?" stands for "What Was Jesus Thinking?" "I mean, come on!" she added.

Inside the Vatican, an anxious-looking Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger was seen stacking piles of wood in St. Peter's Square before being called indoors by an unidentified nun.

(Thank you to Kathy Shaidle for linking to this story. My Greek never got good enough to read the New Testament in the original--though I did try for a while--so I can't say that these prelates are absolutely nuts. Let's just leave it that I am suspicious that they may have missed the point.)


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